1 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,240 TJ was a right laugh. 2 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,560 PHONE BLEEPS 3 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,520 The banter was just there, the laughs and the jokes. 4 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,400 The first time we had sex, why it felt weird, 5 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,120 all the secrecy around their body, 6 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,160 you don't need to lie just tell me the truth. 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,360 Gender reassignment surgery never happened. 8 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,480 I had no control over my own bank. 9 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,400 Passport was hidden. 10 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,200 From there it was just downhill mayhem. 11 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,560 This is a manipulative, 12 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,000 lying, deceptive, violent human being. 13 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,840 The amount of times I come out of this house, 14 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,200 like, covering up black eyes, 15 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,720 broken noses, busted lips, 16 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,160 or, actually, walked down the street 17 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,760 with bite marks on my face, 18 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,080 I'm screaming and shouting for help. 19 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,640 My eyes were burning, 20 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,680 and my throat was burning. 21 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,120 Roxanne's family were telling her to leave. 22 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,040 There is your red flag right there. 23 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,920 It was all a pack of lies. 24 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,680 This person was worse than the devil. 25 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,840 So, my mum's friend was on Plenty of Fish 26 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,600 and it looked like there were some good-looking guys on there, 27 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,160 so I thought let's give it a go. 28 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,760 I was just kind of talking to people 29 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,640 seeing who, really, I caught a vibe with. 30 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,360 I feel like TJ was a right laugh. 31 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,040 I felt relaxed, 32 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,080 like, the banter was just there, 33 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:53,200 the laughing and the jokes, so, it, kind of, just free flowed. 34 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:17,080 What happened with me and my friends at that day. 35 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,240 I got raped. 36 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,000 I feel like being raped at 16, 37 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,360 the police not believing me... 38 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,560 ..I feel like the mental therapy was just, kind of, like 39 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,200 six to 12 sessions, not much really intense therapy. 40 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,080 I think I was probably mentally depressed. 41 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:53,040 I feel like I was a lost soul trying to dig their self out of a grave. 42 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,480 PHONE NOTIFICATION BLEEPS 43 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,360 TJ made me feel relaxed, 44 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,720 TJ made me feel heard 45 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:13,640 and TJ made me feel like everything I felt was OK. 46 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,360 Roxanne, at that point, really trusted TJ 47 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,640 and that must have felt like 48 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,040 a real gift to be listened to 49 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,400 to, to be cared about, 50 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,240 and that person, to be there to support you. 51 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,840 So, she may have also felt a huge sense of 52 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,680 I can just be myself with this person. 53 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,680 TJ's plan was like, "OK we're going to go have something to eat, 54 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:52,720 "have a couple of drinks". 55 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,120 I was just, kind of, hoping that person that I had fun talking to 56 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,080 was that person in real life. 57 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,880 So, it was like for two weeks we'd been talking, 58 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:15,000 and then I said to TJ, "Oh, I go past Liverpool Street every day 59 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,120 "on the way home". 60 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,880 So, TJ suggested meeting up at Liverpool Street. 61 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,760 And then out of nowhere, TJ just kind of appeared. 62 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,760 He was a lot shorter than he said 63 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,280 but apart from that, 64 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,480 he looked actually quite similar to the pictures. 65 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,840 There was no awkwardness. 66 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,080 It was like I always knew this person. 67 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,040 The banter was there. 68 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,040 It kind of started the same as how, 69 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,280 like, our conversations were on the phone. 70 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,640 Everything just seemed pretty normal. 71 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,080 And then TJ told me that we have to go 72 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,520 to his dad's house for him to get changed 73 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,840 because he was hot, 74 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,320 even though he just came from his dad's house. 75 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,320 I was very anxious and worried cos thought it was a bit weird, 76 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,720 cos it's like I don't know you, you know, 77 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,280 I'm trusting you to take me to someone's house. 78 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,480 Just didn't know really what to expect. 79 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:34,000 The first real red flag that is shown in this relationship 80 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,280 is when TJ takes Roxanne back 81 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,240 to his dad's house. 82 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:45,320 This wasn't part of the prearranged location so straight away, 83 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,840 Roxanne is pulled out of her comfort zone 84 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,040 and has gone somewhere she wasn't expecting to go. 85 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,720 What people need to understand in this situation, 86 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,880 are you doing what you feel is right? 87 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,080 Is it comfortable for you? 88 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,560 Because if it's not, you trust that instinct and you need to walk away. 89 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,680 We literally walked in, and I just thought, 90 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,080 "Oh, my God, there's nowhere for me to sit," because it was so nasty. 91 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,320 You know when a carpet's just been ripped up? 92 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,600 It was just that throughout. 93 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,680 And it was dirty. 94 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,720 There was a sofa bed with all the foam showing. 95 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,320 It was proper filth. 96 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,520 TJ just kind of stood there with me, 97 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,040 just talking to me and we was chatting. 98 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,640 He said, like, "I'm sorry about the state of the house. 99 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,760 "this is not where I live. This is my dad's. 100 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,200 And I was like, "OK" 101 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,640 like, just went with it really. 102 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,960 We just stayed there talking 103 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,360 for a bit longer and stuff and I just went home. 104 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,880 TJ texted me when I got home kept on talking. 105 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,280 It just kind of went from there, really. 106 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,920 It kind of just carried on talking and meeting up 107 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,280 and having a laugh and joke. 108 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,680 Looking back on it now, it was very intense, very quickly. 109 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,640 It kind of went to, like, every day. 110 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,760 At first it was all really happy for her 111 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,440 just being with someone, 112 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,840 and she was obviously wanting to spend time with him, 113 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,440 and they were enjoying time together for her to be away from home. 114 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,200 But, yeah, at first it just seemed normal. 115 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,640 It was obvious the conversations weren't as often as we used to 116 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,720 have them. 117 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,200 I just didn't get to talk to her. 118 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,000 It was always them. 119 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,280 It was just, "Oh, yeah, we were just busy or I'm just spending time 120 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,360 "with him," and that was just kind of how it was. 121 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,240 It was the texts, the calls, 122 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,240 the understanding my feelings, I'm stressed at work, 123 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,520 I'd got a lot going on, 124 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:08,040 and TJ is making it feel like everything was OK. 125 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,480 Like TJ had my back and no-one else did. 126 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:19,240 This is the stage that I see as very much, TJ infiltrating her space. 127 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,800 Like, "You cannot be without me. 128 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,320 "I'm always there". 129 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,520 "I'm always here to 130 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,600 "take care of you." 131 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,440 I'm always here to do anything for you." 132 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,160 He was literally giving her no breathing space 133 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,640 to be away from him. Like, "Look how close we are. 134 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,560 "Look how much I love you". 135 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,080 I think this is the beginning of reeling her in. 136 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,320 We only had intimacy once. 137 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,560 That was the only time throughout the relationship. 138 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,240 It was very uncomfortable. 139 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,120 TJ wanted complete darkness. 140 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,760 TJ kept clothes on. 141 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,640 You wasn't allowed to touch, 142 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,080 you wasn't allowed to have lights on. 143 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,760 You wasn't allowed to strip them. 144 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,160 It made me feel absolutely weird and strange 145 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:53,360 and the most unnatural situation you could ever have been in. 146 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,280 Then after that, it was like, "I don't want to rush. 147 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,000 "I want to take the sex out of it and just get to know you". 148 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,640 I want you to feel loved and cared for 149 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,320 and not everything based around intimacy. 150 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,240 And I was just like, "OK, this is different", 151 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,440 because normally when you first meet someone 152 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,280 and you finally do get intimate with them, 153 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,520 it's that honeymoon stage, 154 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:23,880 it's like you can't keep your hands off each other 155 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,840 but it was flipped back on me like, well, no, actually, 156 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,280 we're going to take that away. 157 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:37,160 And I was just like, "OK, this is really not how I expected it to go." 158 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,520 So, after me and TJ had sex, 159 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:52,240 I feel like it was two weeks later that we went to Shoreditch. 160 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,400 TJ just said that we was going to go for cocktails 161 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,600 and have a nice night 162 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,200 and everything was just going to be happy. 163 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:11,160 I feel like I was trying to go with it 164 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,520 to see if there was anything that was 165 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,720 going to come better from the situation. 166 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,280 I was happy the fact that we was going out for cocktails 167 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,520 and finally getting out of that house. 168 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,280 So, it's the bar coming up. 169 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,520 It looked different back then. 170 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,600 TJ ordered cocktails. 171 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,400 I'm smoking a cigarette we're chatting, 172 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,520 and TJ says, "I have something to tell you." 173 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:54,280 TJ told me that they were transitioning. 174 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,200 They were born with both genders in them 175 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,320 and they wanted to go from male to female 176 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:09,640 cos they believed that was their true gender. 177 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,080 I'm going to have to take my time to get my head around this, 178 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,840 especially of the fact of like, 179 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,640 I've never been with anyone like this, 180 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,440 I've never dated any one like this, I don't know no-one like this, 181 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,000 I was very shocked 182 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,440 and I, kind of, felt like, "How did you think this was going to be OK?" 183 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,440 Like, "How do you think this is going to work? 184 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,800 "Did you think no-one was ever going to ask questions 185 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,320 "or people are that stupid?" 186 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,040 I kind of felt, like, "If I get up and run now, 187 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,440 "it's pretty awful of me" 188 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,320 and then I found out the surgery was happening within, I believe, 189 00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:00,000 a week of this and it was only going to be a day surgery, 190 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,360 which I found really weird. 191 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,480 I feel like it's not right to throw that on someone, 192 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,120 especially without asking them how they feel. 193 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,600 No-one really matters apart from TJ's world. 194 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,120 This is mind-blowing information. 195 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,840 He's never shown any hint of any of this 196 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:26,320 and suddenly he's laid all of this information bare on her. 197 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,200 What that is, is information that is going to shift 198 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,760 the nature of their relationship. 199 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,280 If she stays, how does she feel about it? 200 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:38,720 What does she want? 201 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,800 Does she want to be in this situation or not? 202 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,640 I'm confused, like I'm not even this way inclined. 203 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,800 Should I just stay and be supportive? 204 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,720 You should have been honest from the start with me, 205 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,080 not held this information in. 206 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,440 There was, just, so many things going through my mind at that stage. 207 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,400 Trauma bonding is a term that's used 208 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,520 to describe how perpetrators online and off, 209 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:22,000 will use trauma as a means to bond with their victim. 210 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,280 To initiate pity, sympathy, empathy, 211 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,320 attention, from, from the person who's on the receiving end. 212 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,320 When TJ discloses that he's 213 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,360 going to have this gender reassignment surgery, 214 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,320 I suspect that he needed 215 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,440 to lure Roxanne in here by making her feel sorry for him, 216 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,160 pitying him, you know, 217 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:52,680 realising how tender and how wounded he was. 218 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,960 But obviously, the goal is to coerce and control. 219 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,760 Then when I asked, "Can I go to the hospital?" It was no. 220 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,120 "Can I come to your surgery?" No. "Can I come around the same day?" No. 221 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,680 How you coming home the same day from surgery? 222 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,800 It's a big surgery. 223 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,960 I just felt that there were so many excuses 224 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,720 it's just not right. 225 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,040 I was kind of confused because there was no... 226 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,200 ..nothing that I would say looked anything like 227 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,600 a surgery has even happened. 228 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,320 It just didn't look right. 229 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,640 And TJ was like, "Oh, yeah, I've had this done, 230 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,200 "that done, they built the vagina..." 231 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,480 and I'm just like trying to listen and take this all in, 232 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,200 but trying to understand that I don't get how you are at home. 233 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,840 It was all, though, like TJ had the answer for the whole scenario. 234 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:34,680 I was trying to believe TJ but at the same time, in case I'm wrong, 235 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,320 still support this person 236 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,960 or try and understand this person 237 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,720 or understand what they're going through. 238 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,160 I mean it got to the point where I would call her and 239 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,200 and it wouldn't even be her answering the phone, 240 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,360 it would be him, and he'd say things like, 241 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,960 "She's not home. She's in the bath. She's having a nap." 242 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,760 Later on, I'd find out Roxanne was actually there, 243 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,560 but she just didn't know I was calling, 244 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,280 and she would look on the call log 245 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,840 and there would be no call from me because he'd deleted it. 246 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,040 So, this is definitely a huge red flag. 247 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,880 TJ's isolating Roxanne from her family. 248 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,920 The communication has been broken. 249 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,520 She isn't getting any contact 250 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,320 with those people who matter to her because in doing so, 251 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,680 he could have more monopoly over her, 252 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,080 more control over her. 253 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,240 And by having more control over her, 254 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,440 she'd become more reliant on him 255 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,440 and so the co-dependency glue between them thickens. 256 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,320 So literally from surgery, 257 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,560 it just went from name calling to a slap, 258 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:04,960 to a punch, to "No-one loves you. No-one cares for you. 259 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,400 "You're fat, you're ugly. You're a slag." 260 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,560 I could actually tell you like 261 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,800 the amount of times my head was slammed against that door, 262 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,280 or the side of that wall. 263 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,360 Covering up black eyes, 264 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,880 broken noses, busted lips, 265 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,160 or actually walked down the street 266 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,840 with bite marks on my face. 267 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,040 I feel like TJ emotionally, 268 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:40,240 was just abusing me to feel like I was reliant on them. 269 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,200 She was coming home with bruises, 270 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:49,080 and she was clearly being hit. 271 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,520 Yeah, I questioned her quite a lot. 272 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,160 We see the biggest red flag of them all. 273 00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:00,560 It has ramped up from controlling, the jealousy, to physical violence. 274 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,680 She would say it was just play fighting 275 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:10,240 and like accidental things that had happened or something she had 276 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,680 inflicted on herself. 277 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,320 It was like she was just hiding everything. 278 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,520 It was obvious what was going on but you can only ask. 279 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,120 TJ found out that I got raped 280 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,360 when I was 16. 281 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,560 TJ acted very angry, wanted revenge. 282 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,200 Then TJ asked me who the person is. 283 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,200 I told them who they were. 284 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,480 And then I found out that TJ knew the guy that done it to me. 285 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,360 From there it was just downhill mayhem. 286 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,720 TJ had no car and TJ needed a car, 287 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,840 so TJ went online and used someone else's pictures, 288 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,880 pretended to be that woman, 289 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:35,120 convinced the victim to come to the house to steal their car... 290 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:49,080 ..drugged the victim up, and then stole the victim's keys. 291 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:06,480 POLICE SIREN 292 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,760 We was driving. Police sirens went off. 293 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,720 Got pulled over. 294 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,520 The police searched the car, 295 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,520 and they found a disguised Taser in the back. 296 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:37,200 I feel 100% remorse for the guy that got caught up in this madness. 297 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,320 I fully accept my part that I should've told the police the truth. 298 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,200 I should have told them exactly what was going on. 299 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,040 I feel absolutely so apologetic for the victim. 300 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,200 And I feel bad for what happened. 301 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:18,560 I think I was packing to leave. I was like, "I'm out of here. I'm done." 302 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,920 Started packing my bags to go back to my mum's 303 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:27,160 and TJ was like, "You're not leaving. 304 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,360 "If anyone's going to leave, we're leaving together dead." 305 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:37,920 Next thing, I smelt fire, and I ran in there and my bag was lighting up. 306 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,520 So, I put it out and I was like, "What are you doing?" 307 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,160 Next you know, TJ's trying to light another bag. 308 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,640 I put that one out. 309 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,680 TJ just started beating on me. 310 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,360 I think it ended up, at one point, I'm on the floor. 311 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,240 TJ's pouring water down my throat. 312 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,720 Then the next thing you know, 313 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,000 TJ's sprayed me with lighter fluid. 314 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,640 So, my throat's hurting, my eyes are burning, 315 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,000 my face is being irritated, my hair is, 316 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:12,960 I'm wet, 317 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,280 I'm covered in lighter fluid... 318 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,040 ..and TJ was trying to set me alight. 319 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,320 I'm screaming and shouting for help 320 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,920 and then, somehow, I ended up being allowed to go and get in the shower 321 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,120 cos my eyes were burning and my throat was burning 322 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,760 and as I'm in the shower, TJ came in, punched me in the side of my face 323 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,040 and said, "You stupid bitch, I was born a female." 324 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,400 I was like, "Oh, my God. This makes sense." 325 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,720 Like, bells on. Everything's answered itself now. 326 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,240 The first time we had sex, why it felt weird, 327 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,360 all the secrecy around their body, 328 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,480 Not being able to do anything normal with them in bed 329 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,480 the fact that you came back the same day from operation, 330 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,160 it just all made sense. 331 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:13,160 The gender reassignment surgery never happened. 332 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,080 TJ was born a female. 333 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,480 It was all a pack of lies. 334 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,240 We know that all wholesome, 335 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,080 healthy relationships are built on mutual trust. 336 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,640 The biggest and most obvious red flag is that 337 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:37,720 there was no trust, 338 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,160 there was no consent, 339 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,600 there was no authenticity. 340 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,440 If we discover this pattern, this cycle of fakery, 341 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,600 those are red flags in itself that tell us, 342 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,200 get out and get out double quick. 343 00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,880 I wanted answers. 344 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,600 I knew TJ was lying, 345 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,840 but I wanted the proof, erm, 346 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,680 that TJ was pretending to be a male, 347 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,160 that TJ lied about transitioning. 348 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,800 I didn't know if I was even going to go anywhere with it at this point. 349 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,360 I needed it for me. 350 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,400 TJ wasn't in the house 351 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,480 and I was looking through the clothes cupboard. 352 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,640 I found letters from when TJ was previously in prison, 353 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,600 from an ex-girlfriend writing and saying, 354 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,760 "Why you in a female prison if you was born a man? 355 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,880 "Because you've transitioned so why'd you lie to me?" 356 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,080 I suddenly realised at that moment that 357 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:03,520 TJ has done this before. 358 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,360 It made me feel that I'm not alone 359 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,480 and I wanted to get justice for us all. 360 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:22,600 And then I found... 361 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,040 ..the fake penis. 362 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,200 I was shocked. 363 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:44,120 I was like, "OK, so this is what you, obviously, used 364 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,880 "when we first had sex." 365 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,680 It just made sense to why it was so uncomfortable 366 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:51,000 and so painful, 367 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,640 and why the room had to be in pure darkness 368 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,440 and why I wasn't allowed to touch them. 369 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:03,920 TJ came back from wherever TJ was and I said, 370 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,640 "I found that penis that you used." 371 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,720 And TJ's like, "Shut up, you know I was born a man." 372 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,880 I was like, "No, you were a female. You admitted it. 373 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,640 "So, you don't need to lie. Just tell me the truth." 374 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,280 And TJ just beat me, so, 375 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,760 I, kind of, got the answer that I wanted it was the one that you used. 376 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,720 So, this is just before where we lived. 377 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,680 So, I was only allowed the phone when it suited TJ. 378 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,840 I was only allowed to talk to my mum when it suited TJ. 379 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,040 If TJ felt like beating me that day, TJ would. 380 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,400 I think it's all control. 381 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,080 I mean, I had no bank card. 382 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:14,960 I had no control over my own bank. 383 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,360 Passport was hidden. 384 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,360 They had everything. 385 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,760 I think TJ knew by that point that I knew it was a lie. 386 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:29,840 TJ knew that I didn't like them at all. 387 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,440 They knew I hated them. 388 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,360 I feel like she hid quite a lot. 389 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,640 I thought it was because I was young, 390 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,840 and she didn't want me knowing or 391 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,400 if she just didn't feel like she could 392 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,880 say what was happening 393 00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:00,440 but she definitely didn't tell us everything we should have known. 394 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,320 A lot of people felt, I guess, 395 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,760 upset and angry at me that I didn't call on no-one for help 396 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,320 but on the other hand, 397 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,080 I got myself into this and I'm going to get myself out. 398 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,440 I think it can be very hard sometimes 399 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,400 for people in abusive, toxic, 400 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,160 violent relationships to get up and leave, 401 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,640 because, by that point, they have 402 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,200 possibly been so beaten down, 403 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:36,520 they have probably been isolated from loved ones and friends. 404 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,120 They might have also experienced 405 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,600 intermittent reward from this person. 406 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:46,600 Sometimes they're absolutely wonderful and what they 407 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,840 then, are engaged in trying to do is get that person back. 408 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,160 So, if I change the way I am, 409 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,320 that person will be loving and 410 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,000 and kind to me like they used to be. 411 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,560 But at this point, this person is just trying very hard just 412 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,360 to survive from one day to the next. 413 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:34,240 So, while we was moving, I went through a lot of moving, 414 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,640 packing things up. 415 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,800 I realised there was a number of birth certificates. 416 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,400 There was fake ones with like different male names. 417 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,560 Then I realised there was one it had 418 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,680 the real stamp of approval, 419 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,080 everything on it was just real 420 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,480 and the name there was Hannah Walters. 421 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,920 On the birth certificate, it had Hannah Walters, birth female, 422 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,480 and the parents and the hospital and, obviously, the address. 423 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,520 This must be this person's real identity. 424 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,040 I now know the truth, 425 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:52,280 that TJ and all the other alias names that they have, 426 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,320 is absolute lies. 427 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,760 This person's name is Hannah Walters 428 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,480 and they're born a female. 429 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:09,480 This is a devastating and shocking moment for her 430 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,360 to discover that the whole relationship, up to this point, 431 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:14,960 has been a lie. 432 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,240 At this point, 433 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,840 when Roxanne discovers TJ was born a woman 434 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,800 and has other identities this suggests to me 435 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,040 a very manipulative, dishonest, person, 436 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:34,800 willing to lie so that they can do what they want with you after that. 437 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,520 My investigation was done. 438 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,960 Now I needed to get the hell out of this relationship. 439 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,680 TJ was constantly threatening 440 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,000 to set my mum's house alight, 441 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,120 to get my mum's family raped, to get them murdered. 442 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,640 I felt petrified for their safety 443 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,800 because I knew TJ was capable 444 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,400 of everything that TJ was saying. 445 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,080 This person was worse than the devil. 446 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:22,320 When they realised there's no more fear put into you, 447 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,600 they then turn on to the people you love. 448 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:33,240 My mum was then getting to the point where we weren't talking to her, 449 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,400 and she weren't coming home 450 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,800 so that's when she started getting the police involved 451 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,880 and calling them to go check on her. 452 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,120 My mum was really paranoid. 453 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,720 Roxanne's family are almost begging her to leave him. 454 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,680 They don't want her in this 455 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,160 relationship with TJ 456 00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,720 and this is something that we see 457 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,200 time and time again. 458 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:04,360 Ordinarily, the person involved in that relationship 459 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,640 doesn't see how toxic and dangerous it is. 460 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:09,840 It's the people in their inner circle, 461 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,120 these people on the outside that are 462 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,880 so important in cases like this. 463 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,680 Roxanne's family were telling her to leave. 464 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,520 There is your red flag right there. 465 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,560 I rang my mum's friend and said, "I need a cab now", 466 00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:42,040 and I was like, "That's it, I'm done, forget the stuff. 467 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:46,000 "I can order new bank cards, forget everything. I'll start again. 468 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,360 "My body can't take no more. I've had enough". 469 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,480 I don't know if TJ followed one day. 470 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:03,520 I don't know how, 471 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,760 but somehow TJ found out where I was. 472 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:19,240 One night I was asleep, and I could hear the door going. 473 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,520 So, I ran up the stairs to my mum's friend and I said, 474 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,760 "TJ's outside. I'm scared". 475 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,040 I didn't hardly sleep either. I was scared to sleep. 476 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,880 In the morning, I said to my mum, 477 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:54,560 "I need to call the police. I can't do this. My life is a living hell". 478 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,320 So, we did. 479 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,560 Watching the police officer's face when I'm trying to 480 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,360 explain this scenario, 481 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:08,080 I don't know if I felt more uncomfortable and more confused 482 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,080 or the poor first police officer that had to listen to this. 483 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,880 I'm receiving phone calls off TJ's mobile. 484 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,120 So, I ring the officer in question and I'm like, 485 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,200 "TJ is calling me from the police cells". 486 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:39,920 They're like, "What?" 487 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,080 I was like, "TJ's calling me from the police cells". 488 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,400 So, from there, they had to transfer TJ to Holborn Police Station 489 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,840 and from that day, I never heard from TJ again. 490 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,520 So, I was not a willing participant in this crime whatsoever. 491 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,000 I didn't want no part of it. 492 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,000 I mean, by this point I wasn't allowed to eat 493 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:19,640 unless TJ gave me permission to eat. 494 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:25,680 I wasn't allowed to do anything apart from if TJ agreed. 495 00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:27,360 If not, I'd be beaten up. 496 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:29,960 I had no choice but to stay. 497 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,640 This story is incredibly mind boggling 498 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,640 and very devastating from Roxanne's point of view, 499 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,920 being caught in the net of a manipulative, lying, 500 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,200 deceptive, violent human being. 501 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:42,120 What Roxanne would have had no idea about, when she started 502 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:47,920 communicating with TJ online, was that TJ was a serial abuser. 503 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,560 I feel very sorry for Roxanne in this situation 504 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,520 because she has been duped by 505 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,360 a very dangerous con artist. 506 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:12,400 Roxanne was affected really bad, really bad, 507 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,840 and even with moving on and getting into new relationships, 508 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,240 I feel like it's always going to be something that 509 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,760 she'll just have to think about. 510 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:24,680 You don't really know someone, 511 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,160 especially when you're just looking at how they're presenting 512 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,320 themselves and telling you who they are. 513 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,880 I think what people forget is that 514 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,000 rape survivors or abuse survivors are left with 515 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:42,800 a life sentence of memories, PTSD, feelings, 516 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,560 depression, anxiety... 517 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,240 Whatever you may have, we are left with that for life. 518 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,720 This is a very unusual case, 519 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,040 but I think it's important to be mindful that, 520 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:58,320 we're all susceptible to being taken advantage of, 521 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,320 particularly if you are going through 522 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,440 a vulnerable time in your life or have been through difficulties or 523 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,640 traumatic periods in your life 524 00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:11,280 and you then meet somebody who apparently offers you 525 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,920 the solution and is loving and kind 526 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:15,480 and compassionate. 527 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,240 It is important for everybody 528 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,640 to be aware that we are all potentially susceptible 529 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,480 to being taken advantage of. 530 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:35,720 To this day, TJ, has still not admitted to me why TJ lied. 531 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,720 When TJ got sentenced, TJ looked at me because TJ knew I'd won. 532 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:42,840 I smiled. 533 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,520 I was with another survivor. 534 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:45,920 We held hands. 535 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:48,920 I won. 536 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,920 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com